Extremely specific advice

“If you can avoid it, never take the M25”

(Credit: N Chadwick)

“Never tell a woman she looks tired.”

I can’t recall the precise context in which my boss shared this, but it was clear she was speaking from experience.

“When you tell a woman she looks tired, what they hear is: ‘You look dreadful’. If you want to express sympathy, tell them they sound tired. It conveys the same concern without the implicit insult.”

This is good advice and, to be clear, it works just as well on men.

“Always apologise in person, never in writing. People hold onto the notes, and they remember.” — Joanna Kessler, aka Grandma Toby

“That sounds really challenging.” — I can’t remember the origin story, but the superior alternative to “That sounds really interesting” when someone tells you what they do for a living.

“I wonder if you can help me?” — Rory Sutherland on how to ask people for a favour (that is, not “I’m so sorry to dump this on you” or “I know you’re busy but”

“Thank you!” — for when someone offers you a compliment

“If you can avoid it, never take the M25.” — Charles Kessler

“It’s alright to change your mind.” — Ann Kessler (between the two of them, I got the font of all human knowledge)

“There is no tiger.”

“You can be sad and get a track workout in.” — Andy Roddick

“Will this matter in six months’ time?” — A. Friend

“Always look annoyed.”— George Costanza, on how to look busy in the office

“Never agree to write a book review. Maximum effort, minimum clicks.” — old Evening Standard colleague

“Start with an honest analysis of why you are in opposition, not in government.” — Tony Blair

“Just buy the Brother laser mono” — Sarah O’Connor to those grumbling about unreliable printers

“If you love what you do, you’re lucky. If you can learn to love what you do, you’re smart.” — Willie Kessler aka Grandpa Toby (the latter applied to him, if you can’t tell)

“When you win the toss, bat. If you are in doubt, think about it, then bat. If you have very big doubts, consult a colleague, then bat.” — W.G. Grace

“Countries with the word ‘Democratic’ in their names tend to be anything but.” — My Year 9 History teacher on how to remember which state was West Germany and which East

“Never visit a pub with a flat roof” — father of a friend (I promised specific advice, not useful advice)

Please do share your own in the comments. I need some wisdom.