Ryanair wants to ban the early morning pre-flight pint

The 6am from Stansted was always peak optimisation fetish

(Credit: Alan Levine)

Every time I wish the rest of the world to make like Gavin Williamson and go away and shut up, I remind myself that without those billions of other people, there would be neither the ingenuity, market forces nor economies of scale necessary to design, construct and ultimately fly the Airbus A380.

And without the A380, I would never have got to experience taking a shower on an aeroplane (it was only once, it was a points redemption, yes there is video, no it will not be published.) And consequently — and with apologies to anyone I’m married to — I would never have had the greatest moment of my life¹. In other words, there is some latent wisdom in crowds.

But this theory is routinely tested by our culture’s insistence on taking the 6am flight from London Stansted, London Luton or whatever regional airport that insists on laundering our capital city’s good name. Sober or otherwise, what on earth are you thinking taking the first flight of the morning?

Michael O’Leary (Credit: World Travel & Tourism Council)

Theoretically, the peg for today’s newsletter is an interview with Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary in The Times, in which the famously reclusive executive complains of drunk passengers on early morning flights², leading to his airline having to divert almost one aircraft a day due to disruptive passenger behaviour. In reality, this is one of my longest-held and most cherished beliefs.

With notably rare exceptions — business travel, day trips, those who live in what I assume the rest of the country calls ‘Not London’ and so have fewer options — booking the first flight is at best a mistake, at worst the sort of optimisation fetish that will get you kicked out of even the most open-minded of Berlin nightclubs.